You're my little dorito
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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