i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
