Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
