Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
