At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
