he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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