I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
