i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
