So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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