i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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