Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
