kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
