Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
