hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
how does that bad decision feel?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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