I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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