hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
