but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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