Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
