That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
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Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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