yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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