I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
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don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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