i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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