so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
