My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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