Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
