Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
