Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
