Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
When are your genitals available?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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