Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
