I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
