i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
