I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
