found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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