You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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