just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
