my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
