how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
