ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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