I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
