At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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