the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
