if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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