Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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