There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
