This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
