I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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