Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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