I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
