I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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