Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
