I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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