the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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