I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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