my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
