my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
