I think I died a long time ago.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
