In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is classic penis vs brain.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize