You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize