Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
