For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
