Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize