we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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