Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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