She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
