Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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