We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Less talking, more tequila
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
