Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
