You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
