I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
