it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
