Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
