she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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