So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
