she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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