i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
