She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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