I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
