Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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