she woke up with a sticky ear
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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