so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I still have a little drunk in my system
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
