She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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