I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
